By Timothy Kitchen

There is a remarkable lesson contained in these two verses. It is a lesson concerning the words of others, the condition of our own hearts, and the wisdom required to live peaceably without compromising the truth.

Solomon, to whom the book of Ecclesiastes is traditionally attributed, understood something about human nature that remains just as relevant today.

People speak carelessly. They misunderstand. They become offended. They sometimes speak from frustration, anger, disappointment, or incomplete understanding.

And we ourselves are not exempt from these weaknesses.

Yet how often do we hear something spoken about us and immediately feel compelled to answer?

How often do we defend our intentions, explain our character, correct another person’s understanding, or demand that an accusation be withdrawn?

Sometimes clarification is necessary. Sometimes correction is appropriate. Sometimes the truth must be defended.

But Ecclesiastes introduces another consideration.

Not every word spoken requires our attention, and not every accusation requires our answer.

More importantly, the scripture directs us away from examining only the words of others and toward examining our own hearts.

THE WISDOM OF NOT HEEDING EVERY WORD

Solomon begins:

“Also take no heed unto all words that are spoken…”

He does not say that we should disregard everything people say.

He does not instruct us to reject correction or become indifferent to truth.

Rather, he warns against giving undue attention to every word spoken.

There is a difference between hearing something and taking it to heart.

We may hear an accusation without accepting it as true.

We may hear criticism without immediately becoming defensive.

We may hear an unkind remark without allowing it to determine our attitude toward the person who spoke it.

This requires discernment.

Consider Proverbs 19:11:

“The discretion of a man deferreth his anger; and it is his glory to pass over a transgression.”

Notice that passing over an offense is associated with discretion.

It is not necessarily ignorance or weakness.

It may be the result of understanding that answering the offense would accomplish little good.

There are times when allowing a matter to pass demonstrates greater wisdom than pursuing an argument.

Yet this requires something that human nature often resists.

It requires us to surrender the desire to answer every perceived wrong.

LEST THOU HEAR THY SERVANT CURSE THEE

Solomon continues:

“…lest thou hear thy servant curse thee.”

Consider the example.

A servant speaks against his master.

The master possesses authority over the servant. He could confront him, punish him, demand an explanation, or insist upon an apology.

Yet Solomon warns against listening too closely to every word.

Why?

Because hearing every unfavorable remark can create unnecessary opportunities for offense.

The master may discover words that wound his pride, challenge his reputation, or diminish his sense of importance.

And once he hears them, he may feel obligated to respond.

The situation can then become something much greater than the original remark.

A careless word becomes a confrontation.

A confrontation becomes an accusation.

An accusation becomes a dispute over character.

And what might have passed unnoticed becomes a source of lasting contention.

Solomon is teaching us to consider whether every offense deserves to become a matter requiring judgment.

This does not mean that serious wrongdoing should be ignored.

It means that wisdom distinguishes between matters requiring correction and matters better left unanswered.

REMEMBER WHAT YOUR OWN HEART HAS DONE

The second verse reveals the deeper purpose of the instruction:

“For oftentimes also thine own heart knoweth that thou thyself likewise hast cursed others.”

Here Solomon turns the examination inward.

Before becoming consumed with what someone else has said, remember what you yourself have said.

Have we never spoken carelessly?

Have we never misunderstood another person’s intentions?

Have we never expressed frustration in words we later regretted?

Have we never formed an unfavorable opinion before hearing the whole matter?

Have we never responded sharply because we felt offended?

Our own hearts know the answers.

And that knowledge should produce humility.

Solomon does not excuse the servant’s words by pointing to the master’s imperfections.

Rather, he reminds the master that he, too, is human.

The person offended by another’s words may have spoken similarly at another time.

The memory of our own shortcomings should temper the severity with which we judge the shortcomings of others.

Jesus Christ taught a related principle in Matthew 7:3–5.

He asked why a person notices the mote in his brother’s eye while failing to consider the beam in his own.

Christ did not teach that correction was always wrong.

He taught that self-examination must precede the attempt to correct another.

Only after addressing the beam in one’s own eye could a person see clearly to help his brother.

The purpose is not to abandon correction.

It is to correct with clearer vision.

WHEN WE BEGIN JUDGING INTENTIONS

One of the greatest dangers in human communication is the tendency to move beyond what another person has actually said and begin determining why he said it.

Someone disagrees with us.

We conclude that he is seeking recognition.

Someone questions our understanding.

We conclude that he is challenging our authority.

Someone offers correction.

We conclude that he is attacking us.

Someone writes about a biblical principle.

We conclude that the teaching must be directed toward a particular individual.

But how do we know?

We may have reasons for our concerns. Past experiences may influence our interpretation. A person’s words may resemble something we have encountered before.

Nevertheless, an interpretation of another person’s intentions is not necessarily knowledge of those intentions.

Proverbs 18:13 warns:

“He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him.”

And Proverbs 18:17 adds:

“He that is first in his own cause seemeth just; but his neighbour cometh and searcheth him.”

Together, these scriptures teach the importance of hearing and examining a matter before reaching conclusions.

We must distinguish between what was said, what we understood, and what the speaker intended.

Those three things are not always identical.

And when they differ, an opportunity arises either for mutual understanding or unnecessary contention.

THE DANGER OF MAKING OURSELVES THE SUBJECT

Consider what happens when a general biblical teaching is presented.

The teaching may concern humility, authority, obedience, repentance, pride, patience, or the government of God.

These principles apply broadly.

Yet a reader may immediately ask:

“Is this about me?”

“Who are you accusing?”

“Are you questioning my position?”

“Are you saying I am guilty of this?”

Sometimes a teaching genuinely is directed toward a particular situation.

Sometimes its application may expose conduct that needs correction.

But the fact that a teaching concerns something familiar to us does not establish that we were its intended subject.

Neither does feeling personally convicted prove that the author intended a personal accusation.

There is a better question to ask.

What does God’s Word teach, and how should I examine myself in light of it?

This moves our attention away from the presumed intentions of the person presenting the teaching.

It returns our attention to the instruction itself.

The apostle Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians 13:5:

“Examine yourselves, whether ye be in the faith; prove your own selves.”

Notice where the examination begins.

With ourselves.

This is not an invitation to disregard false teaching or accept every interpretation presented to us.

We are commanded to prove all things.

But proving a teaching is different from making the person who presents it the object of our judgment.

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN CORRECTION AND ACCUSATION

Correction and accusation are not necessarily the same thing.

Correction identifies something that requires examination or change.

An accusation asserts that someone has committed a wrong.

Correction may be supported by Scripture, evidence, and careful understanding.

An accusation may also be justified, but it can become harmful when it goes beyond what has been established.

Consider the difference.

One person says:

“The Scriptures teach that God’s servants must not seek preeminence.”

Another responds:

“You are accusing me of seeking preeminence!”

The original statement concerns a biblical principle.

The response introduces a personal interpretation.

The discussion may now cease to concern the teaching itself.

Instead, it becomes an argument over whether an accusation was intended.

The person presenting the teaching may feel compelled to defend his intentions.

The offended person may feel compelled to defend his character.

Both may become occupied with themselves.

And the original instruction is neglected.

How much wiser it would be to examine the principle together.

What does Scripture actually say?

What conduct does it describe?

How does it apply to us?

Is there something either of us needs to learn?

These questions direct the discussion toward understanding rather than personal vindication.

WE MUST NOT BECOME ACCUSERS WHILE DEFENDING OURSELVES

There is another danger.

Suppose someone falsely accuses us.

We know the accusation is incorrect.

We explain ourselves.

But the person refuses our explanation.

What happens next?

We may become frustrated.

We may begin questioning the person’s sincerity.

We may conclude that pride, jealousy, resentment, or self-interest motivates his refusal.

And before long, we are answering an accusation with accusations of our own.

We may believe that we are defending the truth.

Yet our attention has shifted from the truth of the matter to the character of the person opposing us.

James 1:19–20 provides a necessary warning:

“Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.”

A righteous cause does not make every manner of defending it righteous.

Even when we have been wronged, we remain responsible for our own conduct.

We may clarify what we intended.

We may correct an inaccurate statement.

We may refuse to accept an accusation that has not been established.

But we do not need to determine the condition of another person’s heart.

God knows the heart.

Our responsibility is to remain faithful to Him.

WHEN EXPLANATION IS NO LONGER PROFITABLE

There is a time to explain.

There is a time to answer.

There is a time to receive correction.

And there is a time to stop speaking.

Ecclesiastes 3:7 declares:

“A time to keep silence, and a time to speak.”

This requires judgment.

Sometimes a misunderstanding can be resolved through a simple explanation.

At other times, both individuals may sincerely understand the matter differently.

They may need further study, additional evidence, or time to consider what has been said.

But there are also occasions when continued discussion produces nothing except repeated accusations.

In such circumstances, silence may be wiser than another defense.

Proverbs 17:14 states:

“The beginning of strife is as when one letteth out water: therefore leave off contention, before it be meddled with.”

Once water escapes through a breach, the opening may widen and the flow become increasingly difficult to contain.

Contention can develop similarly.

One remark leads to another.

A response invites a stronger response.

Past disagreements are introduced.

Old injuries are remembered.

Words become increasingly personal.

Eventually, the original matter is nearly forgotten.

Solomon’s instruction to take no heed unto all words is therefore profoundly practical.

Not every statement needs to be pursued.

Not every disagreement needs to be settled immediately.

And not every accusation requires a final answer.

We can leave a matter unresolved without abandoning our responsibility to seek the truth.

PROVE ALL THINGS, BUT DO NOT JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS

There is an important balance between Ecclesiastes 7:21–22 and 1 Thessalonians 5:21.

Paul instructs:

“Prove all things; hold fast that which is good.”

Solomon warns against giving undue attention to every word.

These instructions do not contradict one another.

We are to examine matters that concern truth, doctrine, conduct, and our responsibilities before God.

But we are not required to turn every unfavorable remark into a controversy.

Nor should we allow pressure from others to force conclusions before a matter has been sufficiently examined.

We may have established certain truths while continuing to examine other questions.

We may stand firmly upon what Scripture has demonstrated while remaining willing to receive additional understanding.

That is not necessarily wavering.

It can be an expression of careful judgment.

The desire to reach a conclusion quickly must never become more important than reaching a conclusion correctly.

And the desire to defend our position must never become more important than proving whether that position is true.

THE UNSEEN DANGER OF CONTENTION

Paul wrote in Ephesians 4:26–27:

“Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: Neither give place to the devil.”

There is a warning here that should concern every Christian.

A disagreement may begin over something legitimate.

Two people may genuinely believe they are defending what is right.

Yet anger can create an opportunity for additional wrongdoing.

The discussion becomes personal.

The desire to understand becomes the desire to answer.

The desire to correct becomes the desire to prevail.

And the people involved may begin treating one another as adversaries.

Ephesians 6:12 reminds us:

“For we wrestle not against flesh and blood…”

Our spiritual struggle is not fundamentally against other human beings.

This does not mean that every disagreement is directly caused by Satan, nor does it give us authority to declare that another person is under his influence.

Rather, it reminds us to remain watchful over our own conduct.

We cannot see every influence surrounding a disagreement.

But we can examine the words we choose, the attitudes we entertain, and the actions we take.

We can refuse to answer hostility with hostility.

We can refuse to turn disagreement into personal condemnation.

We can refuse to give place to bitterness.

And we can ask God to reveal where our own hearts require correction.

THE EXAMPLE OF JESUS CHRIST

Perhaps the greatest example is found in the conduct of Jesus Christ.

Peter wrote:

“Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously.” — 1 Peter 2:23

Christ was falsely accused.

He was misunderstood.

His words were challenged.

His authority was questioned.

Yet He did not respond to every accusation by retaliating.

There were occasions when He answered directly.

There were occasions when He exposed hypocrisy.

And there were occasions when He remained silent.

His conduct was not governed by the anger of His accusers.

He remained faithful to His Father.

This is the example set before us.

We do not have to surrender the truth in order to remain peaceful.

Neither do we have to become contentious in order to remain faithful.

The truth does not become more truthful because we speak it angrily.

And an accusation does not become true because it is spoken with confidence or authority.

Our responsibility is to follow Christ’s example.

REMEMBER THAT WE TOO HAVE SPOKEN CARELESSLY

Let us return to Solomon’s words:

“For oftentimes also thine own heart knoweth that thou thyself likewise hast cursed others.”

This is the part of the instruction we must not overlook.

Solomon does not merely teach us how to respond to the words of others.

He teaches us to remember our own words.

Perhaps we have spoken when silence would have been wiser.

Perhaps we have answered before understanding.

Perhaps we have assumed intentions that were never established.

Perhaps we have made a personal judgment while believing we were defending a biblical principle.

Perhaps we have allowed frustration to influence our manner of correction.

If so, the appropriate response is not to abandon the truth.

It is to acknowledge where our own conduct requires improvement.

Psalm 139:23–24 expresses the proper attitude:

“Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”

Notice that David invited examination.

He did not ask God merely to vindicate him against others.

He asked God to examine him.

That is a prayer every Christian should be willing to make.

We may not yet see everything clearly.

We may still be examining a difficult matter.

We may hold convictions that others do not share.

But we should remain willing to discover where God requires us to grow.

THE WISDOM THAT COMES FROM ABOVE

James 3:17 declares:

“But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy.”

Consider the order.

First pure.

Then peaceable.

Godly wisdom does not purchase peace by abandoning truth.

But neither does it use truth as an excuse for harshness.

It is gentle.

It is open to reason.

It is merciful.

It does not show partiality.

And it is without hypocrisy.

This means the principles we teach others must also govern our own conduct.

If we teach humility, we must remain willing to be corrected.

If we teach patience, we must exercise patience when misunderstood.

If we teach against accusation, we must guard against becoming accusers ourselves.

If we teach God’s government, we must first submit our own conduct to God’s authority.

And if we teach that God places the members as it pleases Him, we must remember that every member remains accountable to the same Head, Jesus Christ.

The object is not to demonstrate that we are more righteous than another person.

The object is to grow in the holy, righteous character of God.

CONCLUSION — LET THE WORDS PASS, BUT KEEP THE LESSON

Ecclesiastes 7:21–22 teaches a lesson that is easily overlooked.

We do not need to take every word to heart.

We do not need to investigate every unfavorable remark.

We do not need to answer every accusation.

We do not need to establish another person’s intentions before deciding how we should conduct ourselves.

And we do not need to turn every disagreement into a judgment of someone’s character.

But there is something we must do.

We must remember our own imperfections.

We must remain willing to receive correction.

We must examine matters carefully before reaching conclusions.

We must speak truthfully, patiently, and with love.

And we must recognize when silence serves a better purpose than another answer.

The apostle Paul wrote:

“If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.” — Romans 12:18

Notice that peace is not always entirely within our power.

We cannot determine how another person will interpret our words.

We cannot compel someone to accept our explanation.

We cannot govern another person’s response.

But we can govern our own.

And with God’s help, we can learn to respond in a manner that reflects His character rather than merely our immediate feelings.

So when we hear words that offend us, let us remember Solomon’s instruction.

Before answering, examine.

Before accusing, understand.

Before judging another’s intentions, consider our own hearts.

Before continuing contention, consider whether anything profitable remains to be said.

And above all, remember that we too have spoken words we would rather have left unsaid.

For it is not enough merely to possess knowledge of the truth.

We must also learn to live according to it.